My ex-husband’s girlfriend reached out with a question that left me stunned, teaching me a lesson about self-love.

I’ve been divorced from Ben for five years, and we have two kids. Our relationship remains amicable, and we co-parent effectively. Ben has been dating Lisa for four months, and he wanted to bring her to our eldest’s 16th birthday dinner. I agreed, though I would have preferred to meet her first.

At the dinner, Lisa was friendly and attentive to Ben, a side of him I hadn’t seen during our marriage. Midway through, my eldest gave me a birthday card from Ben, an unusual gesture since he typically forgets special occasions. Lisa noticed my surprise and later texted me, asking, “Does Ben ever improve when it comes to birthdays and anniversaries?”

I responded honestly, “He’s my ex for a reason. I can’t say if he’ll change, and I’m not going to have the answers you need.” Months later, Ben called to say they broke up because she made a big deal about birthdays and anniversaries. I felt guilty but realized she deserved someone who values her efforts.

Meeting Lisa at the grocery store later, she confided, “I couldn’t deal with feeling unimportant. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn’t seem to care.” I encouraged her, “Change is hard for some people, but don’t lose hope. You’ll find someone who values you.”

Reflecting on this, I realized I had grown since my marriage. I accepted Ben’s flaws but understood I deserved more. I hope Lisa finds happiness and that Ben learns to value the important things in life. For now, I’m content with my kids, friends, and the peace I’ve found.