He Sent His Wife a Dear John Letter and Instantly Regretted It
Sometimes, letters from loved ones bring despair rather than joy. In this humorous tale, a husband decided to break up with his wife through a letter, only to instantly regret it.
Dear Wife, “I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever! the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!”
Dear Ex-Husband, “Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.”
Despite all, she had hoped to work things out and had even quit her job after winning $10 million. Her letter concluded, “Everything happens for a reason, I guess. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich & Free!”
