Grandpa’s IRS Audit

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to their office. He arrives with his attorney, which doesn’t surprise the auditor. The auditor mentions, “You have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

Grandpa confidently replies, “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it. How about a demonstration?” The auditor agrees, and Grandpa bets $1,000 that he can bite his own eye. Grandpa then removes his glass eye and bites it, shocking the auditor.

Next, Grandpa bets $2,000 that he can bite his other eye. Since Grandpa isn’t blind, the auditor takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye, leaving the auditor stunned and $3,000 poorer.

Grandpa then offers a double-or-nothing bet of $6,000: he can stand on one side of the desk and pee into a wastebasket on the other side without getting a drop in between. The auditor, thinking it’s impossible, agrees. Grandpa tries but ends up peeing all over the desk. The auditor, now feeling victorious, asks Grandpa’s attorney if he’s okay. The attorney responds, “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”