My husband, Zack, was stunned when I asked for a divorce after thirty years of marriage. He believed he had been a good husband and was bewildered by my decision.
Zack thought our marriage was happy, but I was deeply unhappy. Our two realities clashed when I asked for a divorce on our thirtieth anniversary, just two weeks after our youngest child left home. Zack couldn’t believe it, repeatedly asking, “But why? I did NOTHING and you’re divorcing me?”
I replied, “I’m leaving you because you did NOTHING! When the children came and I was holding a full-time job and coming home to do the housework alone, you did NOTHING. When I was ill, when my father died, when I went through menopause, and when I was sad our children left home, you did NOTHING.”
Zack was shocked and claimed I never told him. “I told you every time I asked for your help,” I said. “Every time I snuggled up for a kiss and you were more interested in what was on TV.”
Despite Zack’s pleas to try therapy now, I felt it was too late. I moved out, started a new life in Venice Beach, and prioritized my happiness. I changed my wardrobe, took up dancing, and eventually met Sam, a considerate man who made me feel loved and valued.
My children were surprised but supportive, even as they dealt with Zack’s struggles. Meanwhile, Zack started dating a younger woman who now controls his life and spends his money. I believe we all get what we deserve, and I am finally learning what real love is.
Lessons:
- Active Support: Love and support in marriage are crucial.
- Listening: Truly listen to and value your partner’s needs.
